My blog de-virgining

I've lost track of how many times my husband or friends have told me I should start a blog. But what would I talk about? Who cares what I have to say? Probably no one. Oh well. I'm on this stupid laptop so much anyway, I might as well do something semi-productive.

Ok, so I have no idea where this thing is going but I guess I can start with what's going on in my life. I don't even know who I want to let know about this blog. Maybe it will just be for me. Hmmmm...kind of like that idea.

Ok, so what's going on with me. We're coming up on 2 years of trying to conceive (TTC) a second child and today was a bit of an epiphany for me. You see, yesterday we got back the test results from the chromosomal analysis of the fetal tissue recovered during my D&C in May. 46XX. It was a she and her chromosomes were normal. We 'knew' it was a girl, but this just confirms it. Well, sort of. We can't be certain the cells they tested weren't mine. So, she was normal. So why did she have to die? Here's the epiphany part. My mom told me yesterday that she has Protein C deficiency. I've known for years that she has ulcerated sores on her ankles/feet, but thought that was from her diabetes or the spider bite she got years ago. Sometimes mom doesn't really understand everything the doctors tell her and in telling me about things, details get lost in translation. I have no idea yet if I have also inherited Protein C deficiency the way my mother did from her father, but there's a good chance. I'll have my Reproductive Endocronologist (RE) runs some tests next week to find out. This is a clotting disorder that, simply put, can cause miscarriage when the blood flow to the newly forming placenta is cut off by clots. Right now I'm torn between being excited about having found a probable cause for the miscarriage and this feeling of almost blame (but not really) over the fact that I didn't know this sooner. I wish my mom had been more clear about her specific diagnosis and I should have asked her more specific questions. I wish I'd seen the possible connection to my mom's chronic use of Coumdamin (a blood thinning medication) and my infertility.

Instead, now we might be adding another hurdle to our infertility race against time. As if it weren't bad enough we are dealing with my high FSH, and my husband's low sperm count and low morphology. The clock is ticking, but maybe, just maybe, we've found which wire to cut.