Friday, June 29, 2007

38w0d - the final days

Here's today's belly pic. Hubby saw my profile the other day and asked me, "How do you carry that around?" Um, I don't have a choice?
Here's the lastest progression pic, seems like yet another growth spurt from the Bean.

OB appointment on Thursday was actually rather boring, but at this stage, that's good. Weight gain was only a half pound, blood pressure, urine, heartbeat were all good as well. OB's guess from feeling baby thru the belly is 9+ lbs currently. I go back for my last OB visit a week from today.

I found this poem the other day that really speaks to some of what I'm feeling right now. It's about adding another child to the family and how that affects the first one. I find myself feeling sad about the pregnancy being over soon and more sad about my alone time with NSWO coming to an end. Almost as if he can tell things are about to completely change, he has become so sweet and adorable - even more so than usual. Anyway, here's the poem, you may need a tissue, I do.

Loving Two (Author Unknown)

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly, I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me," And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again. You cry, I cry with you. I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you. But, then, I notice your resentment change, first curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But, something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments, and I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally as strong. And my question is finally answered to my amazement. Yes! I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both or you - you each have your own supply.

I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

37w5d - Shall we try to guess The Bean's birth weight?

As the final days tick by, I find that my clothes no longer fit. My pants won't stay up, my shirts won't stay down and I've given up caring. LOL I get lots of comments about being ready to pop and how big the belly is. Surprisingly, they don't bother me - they're right, this belly IS big.

So, I thought it might be fun if anyone who is interested officially puts down their guess for birth weight (assuming we make it to the c/s date on 07/07/07 which I think we will) in the comments. Who's game?

Background info: He's been measuring ahead since the NT scan. Last fundal height put me 3wks ahead. Ultrasound at ~32wks guessed 5lb 15oz. The one at 36wk0d guessed 8lb 11oz. My c/s will be at 39w1d.

My first son was born 8 days ahead of his due date at 8lb 8oz and 22.25in long. Hubby and I are both just about 6' tall. If you want to include a guess on length - feel free. I'll update my guess later, don't want to skew anyone's guesses.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

37w1d - Two Week Wait - the good kind

Two weeks from today, from this very moment, I will be holding my son in my arms. Or maybe Hubby will be holding him - I'll still be numb from the spinal.

For most women dealing with infertility the term "two week wait" is a concept filled with anticipation, wonder, hope, dread, and even fear. Two weeks of waiting after ovulation (or an insemination, or an egg retrieval for IVF) to find out if your dreams will come true. Unfortunately, for many of us, most of those Two Week Waits did not end like a dream, but more like a nightmare that we just couldn't wake up from. Many of the gals still in the trenches are hoping to wake up from that nightmare soon. I hope they do - very soon. Some of us have gotten lucky and gotten our dream ending. I am so amazingly grateful to be one of them.

2.5 years of TTC, 1 miscarriage, and 9 months of pregnancy and now it all comes down to my last EVER two week wait.

Friday, June 22, 2007

37w0d - belly pic and OB appt update

OB appointment went well. I think I only gained a pound in the last week and I'd like to think it was his weight gain, not mine. LOL My blood pressure was normal (whew!) and heartbeat was good. He checked my cervix (my only internal exam - yay!!) and the cervix is still tightly closed so no risk of imminent labor this week.

Here's the big ol' belly as of today.

Here's the progression with this week added. Belly is more rounded again. This kid keeps kicking me in the same spot on the right side of my belly and I swear it's going to bruise soon. LOL

Thursday, June 21, 2007

36w6d - Awww, you make me blush!

Thanks so much guys, you're too sweet. I am so pleased with how the pictures turned out.

The hands on the belly and the flower one were my idea. Hehehe And I did that manicure myself the night before. Told Hubby, "I just saved us $30!"

Heather - I did model for a while after college but I was technically 'too old' at that point and to do it now I'd have to lose way more weight than I want to so I just don't. It was fun while I did it though. I should dig out some of my old modeling pics to post someday. That would be a trip.

Today, at yoga, we did handstands for the first time in a few weeks. My arms felt strong enough, but I was simply unable to push up hard enough to get up against the wall. The belly (and the Bean) is simply too big and heavy now. Sniff, sniff. I was hoping to be able to continue handstands until the very end. At least my headstands are still going strong. On Tuesday, I was so tired and sore that I wondered if I should keep going to yoga class, but I felt so much better after class and felt great yesterday and today so I KNOW it's not a matter of should I go, I MUST go to keep feeling as good as possible.

Lots of gals in the blogosphere and on FF are having their babies and it just gets me so excited and nervous about the Bean's impending arrival. The amnesia from last time is lifting and I'm getting a bit scared of the pain and discomfort that's coming. And, oh boy, I'm hoping the anxiety and depression do NOT return this time. I feel like I'm almost at the top of the big hill on the roller coaster and I've done this one before so I know it's a wild ride. The anticipation is getting higher by the day.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Tiny dancer

36w4d - Maternity pics

My photographer sent me the link to the maternity pics slideshow today. Just a warning that there are a few pics of me in full silhoette. You don't 'see' anything, but you see the outline of everything. Be forewarned. I'll probably not leave the link up for more than a few days just for my own privacy sake.

Anyway, here's the link to the slideshow. (Edited - link removed.)

Sunday, June 17, 2007

36w2d - a whole bunch of updates today

First off, let me just say - I'm tired. Emotionally, I'm ok being pregnant for 3 more weeks, but physically, this is getting exhausting. I'm officially at the point where I can't NOT waddle when I walk.
Belly pic - I think he's dropped, what do you think? First, here's this week's pic.
Now, here's a collage of the last 4 pics at 32wks, 34wks, 35wks, and 36wks. Seems bigger and lower to me. Like he's hanging farther out front - it sure feels that way.

Ultrasound update: We had a final ultrasound on Friday to get a gauge for how big he's getting. At our last ultrasound at about 32 weeks, he was estimated at 5lb 15oz. Given the textbook average of 1/2 lb per week, I generously predicted he'd be at 8lb 3oz. I was close, but not quite. He's estimated at 8lb 11oz as of Friday. Holy moose, Batman! No wonder my belly feels so heavy. And the fact that he's so heavy and I think he's dropped to some degree is wreaking havoc on my poor pelvis. My pubic bone pain is back and now my sacrum is also being affected. My cervix has shortened a bit from 5cm to about 3.5cm too but I don't think that means labor will be starting anytime soon.

Shower update: Last Sunday, my lovely neighbor hosted a shower at her house for me along with another neighbor and a friend. It was so lovely of everyone to come by and wish this baby well. We got some nice things that I'm very grateful for. A new bouncer and a lot of the supplies we still need for cloth diapering. I had told myself mentally that I couldn't be impatient about the pregnancy being over until after the shower and now that it's done, I'm starting to feel excited and anxious. Here's a picture from the shower. The cake is a bunch of cupcakes so you can just pull one off instead of someone having to cut and serve the cake. Very cute.
Maternity pictures update: We went to see the proofs from the photo shoot this week and WOW, she did such a great job. It's a shame that the prints/images are so darned expensive because there are so many good ones. We placed an order and the total cost made me nauseous. If it weren't for the fact that this is the last time I expect to ever look this way I would regret the cost. I think years down the road though, we're not going to worry about that aspect and just enjoy the pictures. I'm working with the photographer to get a few of them in web ready JPEG format so I can post them on here and hope to have them soon. Also, I'm hoping she can get the entire shoot up on her website temporarily so that famiy can view them and order prints if they want. Stay tuned.

Progress update: I think I actually had a 'real' contraction yesterday. I've had tons of Braxton Hicks ones for weeks now so as I stood in the kitchen and felt my belly tighten, I was not phased. I leaned over the back of the kitchen chair to pick something up off the table and found that if I tried to stand up, it really hurt across the bottom part of the belly. I bent back over a bit and it felt better. This lasted for about 20-30 seconds and then it was over. No repeats either so I don't think labor is emminent. Hubby did say the other day that he doesn't think I'll make it to the surgery date and I've had a few others say that too. I guess the fact that I'm carrying around more than most full-term babies right now, it's totally possible that my body will assume it's time to get him out soon. We'll see I guess. My mom isn't arriving until July 4th though, so it would throw off my carefully laid plans if he were to try and get here before she does. Besides, he'd be giving up such a cool birthday if he gets impatient. Do you think he'd stay put if I asked nicely?

Friday, June 08, 2007

35w0d - belly pic

Short and sweet this week. Here's the latest belly pic. Seems like the sudden growth spurt is calming down a bit and my weight gain is slowing too - thank goodness! LOL Seems like the belly hasn't changed that much in the pics at least. We were supposed to go look at the maternity pictures today, but Hubby had a schedule conflict so we'll go next Tuesday to see them. I can't wait! Hubby and I are going to have a date night tomorrow to go see Knocked Up - should be fun.

Edited to add:
Knocked Up was pretty good. The guys group was pretty crude sometimes and it felt over the top, but Hubby assured me that they are just being guys. Oh man, and I'm getting ready to have another one of those Y choromosome afflicted beings!! LOL I had a bit of a hard time buying into the idea that Katherine Heigl would fall for that guy, but overall it was good. It was a funny, yet realistic view on pregnancy and relationships. There was an arguement scene between the other two main characters and the entire time I was thinking, "We've had fights like this. I totally believe this dialogue." Hubby commented at dinner afterwards that he felt the same way about it. I did get quite a few looks coming out of the theater which was funny.

I'm officially at the point where I'm running out of clothes. My shower is tomorrow and I have no idea what I'm going to wear. I have one dress that fits, but it only fits because it's gathered above the belly and then sort of flares out/hangs down from there. Needless to say, with a belly this big, I'd look like a tent! I literally have one pair of pants that are not yoga pants that still fit. And I still have to fit 4 more weeks of growth somehow.

Oh yeah, it hit me earlier today that I only have 4 weeks to go. 4 short weeks from today (from this morning actually) this baby will be here. How did it all go by so quickly?

Monday, June 04, 2007

34w3d - NSWO is so cute!

NSWO had a friend over this morning for a playdate/babysitting thing. At one point, he came into the family room from the front living room to let me know what they were playing. "Mom, we're playing Mommy, Daddy, and Baby." He was the Daddy, his friend was the Mommy and NSWO's doll was the baby. Very cute. Then later, once his friend left, he declared that he and I should play and that I needed to be the Daddy. He said that he was going to be the Mommy and then got the doll and stuffed it into the front of his t-shirt. I about peed myself laughing. Then, he said he had to feed his baby. My friend was over and she asked him if he was going to feed it from a bottle or his breast? NSWO then said a bottle and that he needed to go "milk his baby".

Kids are so funny.

Friday, June 01, 2007

34w0d - belly pic and maternity photo shoot

I have an OB appointment later today, so I'll update the post with that info later. I'm into the every 2 week appointments now - time is flying! Tomorrow is our Happiest Baby on the Block class at the hospital, very excited. Should be a great refresher for Hubby and I both. Next Sunday is my shower. Things are really moving along now.
NWSO's last day of preschool was yesterday, we had a picnic at the local park. Great weather for it too. Sunny and warm, but not too hot. I don't think he gets what a big deal the last day of school is, maybe it will be more important next year.
This past Wednesday, we did a photo shoot at a nearby studio to commemorate this big ol' belly. It was really nice. She does a lot of baby and kid photos too. Since I'm not a shy person I didn't have issue with being exposed during the shoot and we did a lot of cool stuff. Some of it a la Demi Moore's Vanity Fair cover from years back. We also did some where I'm nude and backlit so it comes out as a silhouette. Can't wait to see how they turned out. Hubby and NSWO were there too in bare chests and jeans (looks silly for them to fully clothed when I'm baring so much skin - trust me, it looks good.) so we could get some fully family shots. Hubby looked fabulous, as always. NSWO surprised me by doing an amazing job. Whenever we had him in a shot, he turned it on like a pro- soooo cute. It was really good for my self-esteem to be able to feel beautiful and even a little sexy with this body that is just sooooo different. I'm really starting to feel very cumbersome in my own body and this was a great reminder of just how special this time is.
So, in honor of my new found appreciation of my pregnant form, I decided to take my belly pic this week in the bikini I wore in Hawaii while pregnant with NSWO years ago. Still can't figure out how/why all my stretchmarks don't show in pictures, so I'm just gonna go with it.

ETA: OB appointment update from today. I love my OB's scale so much more than mine. It said I've only gained 3lbs in the last 2 weeks which brings us to a total of 27lbs. BP is good too. As the OB was getting ready to listen for the heartbeat on the doppler, The Bean did a bit of tumbling and the doctor's eyes got big and he joked that we didn't need to listen for a hb, we could just watch his little show. We chatted about what to expect for the next month or so and what to do if I were to go into labor before the scheduled c/s (NOT going to happen btw). He agreed to let my friend videotape the surgery too. VERY excited about that. With NSWO, the window on the drape was too high for me to see any of the surgery. Not that I could have seen beyond the big old belly anyway. I can't wait to get to watch my c/s later on in all it's gory details. Yes, I know how weird I am.