Friday, June 29, 2007

38w0d - the final days

Here's today's belly pic. Hubby saw my profile the other day and asked me, "How do you carry that around?" Um, I don't have a choice?
Here's the lastest progression pic, seems like yet another growth spurt from the Bean.


OB appointment on Thursday was actually rather boring, but at this stage, that's good. Weight gain was only a half pound, blood pressure, urine, heartbeat were all good as well. OB's guess from feeling baby thru the belly is 9+ lbs currently. I go back for my last OB visit a week from today.

I found this poem the other day that really speaks to some of what I'm feeling right now. It's about adding another child to the family and how that affects the first one. I find myself feeling sad about the pregnancy being over soon and more sad about my alone time with NSWO coming to an end. Almost as if he can tell things are about to completely change, he has become so sweet and adorable - even more so than usual. Anyway, here's the poem, you may need a tissue, I do.

Loving Two (Author Unknown)

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly, I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me," And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again. You cry, I cry with you. I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you. But, then, I notice your resentment change, first curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But, something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments, and I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally as strong. And my question is finally answered to my amazement. Yes! I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both or you - you each have your own supply.

I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

3 comments:

Alli said...

Oh, that is so sweet! I'm excited for you. Are you nervous for the big day? It must be nice to KNOW when it's going to be. I envy you that!

I am also ready to pop and have just about had it. I'd like this pregnancy to be over with now, thank you kindly. Help me will this baby out! :)

myriam said...

Beautiful poem. I could have written it (just not as eloquently). Made me cry, you were right about needing a hanky.

great blog!
:)
Juliemam

Michelle said...

Nickie - How are you doing? Two more days to go and you will meet this little one - so exciting!!!