In Memoriam - for Aria and her family

I post on Fertility Friend and there is a nice group of ladies that are/were due in July together. We have gone thru our entire pregnancies together and seen lots of highs and lows during that time. Today, we were dealt a devastating blow as a group. One of our members, Aria, who was having her second child went in on Thursday evening to be induced at 41+ weeks. Her fluid levels had risen enough that her doctor didn't want to wait any longer. During the night, while her husband slept, Aria had an apparent Amniotic Embollism. They rushed her into an emergency c-section and her son, Max, was delivered safely. Aria, unfortunately, did not survive and died a short time later. Aria also has a beautiful daughter Maezie and a loving husband, Ryan who will miss her terribly.

I find myself in tears everytime I think about Aria and see in my mind the picture she used on the forums of her with her family. She has such joy in her eyes in that picture and I just can't believe she's gone. It amazes me how someone I've never met can stir such a reaction, but the friendships I have formed online are so very special to me. More than I ever anticipated.

Another July mom created this 'blinkie' as a way of remembering Aria.

And yet another July mom wrote this poem that breaks my heart.

She touched so many,
She never knew.
Inside her belly-
Her future grew.

A daughter then son
And husband by her side
She lived on top of the world
She was down for the wildest ride.

The lioness they called her
Aria was her name.
The lord came to call her.
There is no one to blame

Hush my babies,
Don’t you cry
In clouds of angels
Mommy sings you a lullaby.

In memory of Aria 2007
-Justine O

Happy Birthday to me!

Hubby went out this morning and got me donuts for breakfast and we did lunch at my favorite Chinese place - yum! Tristan even slept thru the entire lunch which was nice. We're having a few neighbors over for appetizers and cake tonight. Pretty much a low-key birthday, but given it's the third in 2 weeks' time, I guess that's to be expected. I think starting next year, we need to move my celebration to August 20th just to give us a break from celebrating.

34 is treating me pretty well so far I must say. Two beautiful boys, an amazing husband, a great mom out here helping us adjust. Only downfall is the crazy, insane dachshund, but I guess you can't win them all, right?

As of this morning, I'm happy to report that I'm w/in 11lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight. How is that even possible? And yet, all of my non-maternity pants won't fit for weeks. I'm living in yoga pants for a while, hoping I won't need to dress up anytime soon cause I have nothing to wear!

Breastfeeding is going better too, Tristan's latch seems to be getting much better and I don't need the nipple shield as often anymore and the nipple ointment stuff really works well. Whew!

I know I still owe everyone a post on the emotional side of things, mulling it over in my head, hoping to get it commited to text soon.

1w6d - BumGenius Baby

Here's Tristan in his first Bum Genius All-In-One Cloth Diaper. Trust me, even though he's screaming in the picture, he loves them. He just hates diaper changes. These things are so awesome! Just as easy to use as disposables and reusable and WAAAAY cuter!! I did plan to use a bunch of Kissaluv fitted diapers with covers, but turns out that's too many steps for me and Squirt wasn't patient enough for me to get it figured out. I think I'll just stick with the Bum Genius for now. I've got a friend who wants to buy the KLs from me anyway for her baby she's expecting soon so it all works out. I have some of the One Size pockets from BG too, but haven't used them yet. Somehow they seem like they'd be too bulky on the little guy.

It's been a busy week. NSWO's bday party on Monday was a huge hit! Hard to believe he's 4 already. He got lots of fun presents including a few games that are fun for Mom and Dad too.

Wednesday was also our day of pediatrician appointments for the boys. Since they're birthdays are so close together, I'll be able to schedule them together for years to come which will be nice. I didn't realize that NSWO was going to need 5 immunizations though - poor guy! I think it was harder on me and my post-partum hormones than it was on him though. He was such a trooper and didn't even want any Motrin afterwards.

Tristan is doing very well. He's nearly back to his birth weight already at 12days old and he's officially 'off the charts' for length, weight, and head circumfrence. His latch seems to be improving a lot and the LC gave me some 'all purpose nipple ointment' that the pharmacy at the hospital mixes up to get my nips to heal up faster. His feedings are starting to be faster and better spaced as well. I asked the LC when babies who do this cluster feeding thing tend to stop and she said, "When you're completely fed up and ready to quit nursing usually they'll give you a break." My response was, "Oh good, so tomorrow should be better?" And it was, oddly enough. He's starting to get a bit of a routine at night too - feeding at 10pm, 1am, 4am, 7am for the most part. We had pizza last night though and apparently he's not a big fan. Poor guy had horrible gas all night long - I'll definitely be needing a nap today.

0w7d - Official Due Date & official nickname

Tristan is a week old today, although he looks about 2 months old.

I'm so happy to report that we both got some GREAT sleep last night. Nighttime feeds still take an hour, but he let me sleep from 10-1, then 2-4 and 5-7. In fact, as I type this, he's still asleep at 8am.

Tristan has officially earned his nickname too - Squirt. From the first moments out of the womb when he peed at my face into the window of the drape, to the first diaper change for Daddy where he nailed Daddy right in the front of his shorts (making it appear as if Daddy had peed himself), to the numerous times he's showered himself and me in the last week - this kid is definitely a Squirt.

Last night, he added a new trick to his squirt regimine. During the 4am feeding, I was changing his poopy diaper before offering him the second breast. I've since learned my lesson to keep a cloth diaper draped over his penis to keep the shower from getting everywhere. No sooner had I put the new diaper under his bum than he started to fill it up again. Oh crud! Grab another wipe, another diaper and start over. I was bringing the diaper over to put it under his bum and he squirted again - this time I caught it, but it got all over my hand in the process. Mind you, I'm downstairs by myself and everyone else is peacefully asleep upstairs. Luckily, my mom is staying with us and happened to be awake and came downstairs to see if I needed help. All in all, I think we went thru 4-5 diapers for that one diaper change! Crazy.

Oh, yes, and lest we forget yesterday's bath adventure. Squirt's first bath at home and he's all nice and clean and cuddled in a warm soft fluffy towel with Daddy when we hear it. That sound that means he's not alone in that towel anymore. Then it happens again, and again. Thank goodness I hadn't emptied the bath water yet so we dipped the bottom half in a few times and Nana got a new towel. This time, the cuddles were cut short in favor of a diapered bottom. Ah, the joys of parenting a newborn.

I'll get more pics up soon, I promise.

0w5d - I forgot how much it hurts in the beginning.

Nursing, that is. This kid likes to eat - a LOT - and my poor nipples are getting so beat up. We had our appointment yesterday at the Post Partum Care Center yesterday. This is a regular part of OB care at my hospital and everyone is encouraged to be seen by one of the nurses/lactation consultants about 4-5 days post partum to catch any issues early. Even those who bottle feed and had normal vaginal deliveries can benefit. Anyway, turns out that while Tristan starts out his latch well enough with a wide open mouth, after a few sucks, he's been letting a lot of the areola slip out and ending up with just the nipple and it's starting to take a toll on my breasts. Part of it was doing the side-lying position during the night - I couldn't see very well how his latch was and he was lazier than usual during the night. Last night, I ended up not going to bed at all and slept in the arm chair downstairs with him in my arms when we weren't actually nursing so I could leave a light on dimly and be able to see better what was going on. I ended up only getting about 2 hours of sleep in total - that sucked. Hubby got up at 6am and took Tristan so I could go to bed for a couple more hours which really helped.

The LC that we met with yesterday had us tally up the number of wet/poopy diapers as well as the number of nursing sessions in 24hrs. Turns out, he fed 21 times in 24 hours. No wonder my nipples are killing me! We worked on his latch issues and I'm hopeful that things will improve quickly. I also have a very small spot on my incision that is opened up a tiny bit. OB took a look and said it's not a problem, just keep the spot clean and it will heal up just fine. The only problem for me is that I never know what movement or position is going to make that spot feel like my skin is tearing apart. Hoping that heals up quickly too, I'm sure it will.

I have another blog topic swimming around in my brain (a few actually) but time is limited right now so they'll have to wait. One topic is how things are going with the emotions this time around. I'm feeling 180* different from last time which makes me so unbelievably happy. I'll elaborate soon, but for now, I'm not worried about PPD coming back and hopeful that it will continue to be this way, even with hard nights like last night.

0w3d - Announcing the arrival of Tristan Roark

Sorry I haven't updated before now, been a bit busy.

Hubby and I went to the OB appointment and the mild contractions and bloody show had continued. My OB said he was fine with us going home and waiting to see if this was real labor or just a false alarm. He did check my cervix which was just beginning to dilate and was effacing and very soft. The contractions were getting uncomfortable enough that I doubted we'd be able to wait it out the rest of the day and overnight so we begrudgingly opted to go for the surgery on Friday, one day early.

They had me checked in pretty quickly, and luckily, my friend Lisa, who had agreed to videotape the surgery for me was nearby and able to get to the hospital in time. Surgery went great and Tristan Roark A__ was born at 1:07 pm on July 6, 2007. As for our guesses on his weight, we were all a bit surprised. Myriam and Gramma Sue were closest as this moose came out at 10lb 3oz and 21 1/2 in long. He peed and pooped almost immediately and let me tell you, this kid has a good set of lungs!

Healing has been going very well and I was up and walking within about 9 hours of surgery. I did have some trouble with nausea Friday evening and vomited a few times, but now that my body is functioning better, that has passed and I was able to resume solid food yesterday. Pain is quite tolerable (way better than last time) and the nurses and I are both surprised at how little pain meds I am needing.

As for the name, Tristan is from Welsh folklore and Roark is Irish and means "famous ruler". We looked for a family name on my side, but didn't find anything that would work well with Tristan and my grandmother (who had 10 children) used a lot of R names, so this ties him back to my side of the family a bit.

Tristan and I are doing well with breastfeeding, but I think he's ready for the milk to be here already. Hoping it shows up today as he did drop 5% of his birthweight at yesterday's check and if he drops too much more today, they may want me to supplement a bit until the milk arrives. He's mostly very calm, but when he gets a gas bubble, he goes from 0-60 in about 2 sec. flat. Last night, he actually slept in my arms from 10pm-5am. I kept trying to offer him the breast, but he'd rather sleep. Feels odd to be so confused about which to prefer right now. I want him to be a good sleeper, but want him to eat well too. He made up for it I think by nursing for an hour straight just now - back and forth 3 times each - and he's acting like he wants more, so I'll have to wrap up soon.

Here's a few pics to tide you over until I can update again. Hopefully going home from the hospital today.

39w0d - final belly pic & update

My mom got into town on Wednesday evening. We had a great time at the parade in town, about a mile from our house. Walking in the heat was not an option and parking is so nuts that if we drove down, we'd end up walking nearly as far so the only logical option was to ride our bikes. Hubby and NSWO have a sort of tandem set up with an extention bike for the little guy, and I have my beach cruiser (LOVE IT!!) so we rode down. I think I caused a bit of a stir - riding a bike with a belly as big as mine, but really it was easier and faster than walking at this point.

Yesterday was my last day at yoga for a while and I was fairly sad to know I won't be back for several weeks. I got a pic of me in headstand one last time to share and for me to remember.

Today, I have an OB appointment and we have to get bags finished packing, etc. I've also got to finish the blanket I'm knitting for the Bean. I figure if I knit all day long, I should be able to finish it in time.

Well, I thought I could, but apparently, this kid has a wicked sense of humor, already. Remember how this pregnancy started with a surprise BFP? (Odd to have a surprise when you've been trying for 2.5 yrs, but still.) Well, it looks like this kid might not care that I negotiated a SUPER COOL birth date for him because I woke up to bloody show this morning and we'll see if I'll be leaving the hospital after my OB appointment or not. Can you stand the irony if he decides to come out today and ruin all my plans for a cool birthday???? I guess he's already telling me I'm not as in charge as I think I am.

Anyway, here's the last belly pic, I'll update later today either way.