Wednesday, August 09, 2006

They just don't get it, then again, how could they?

A few months ago, a writer from Glamour magazine posted on one of the message boards I post on asking for women who would be willing to be interviewed for a piece she was writing on infertility and how coverage of celeb pregnancies affects them. I corresponded with Lynn Harris a bit and this week, her article was published.

Well, the comments are starting to come in and one particular comment just couldn't be let go. I just had to respond. You can read all of the comments here.

The comment post that chapped my hide said:

This article got me a little fired up. I understand the difficulty of infertility, but only through the experiences of friends and family members. But this article was absolutey ridiculous. What has our culture come to if women are mad at a pop star for "getting two" babies "when I don't even get one?" Yeah, place the blame on Britany Spears. I'm fortunate to have my son, but the struggles I've faced are just as comparable to the infertile women. I'm a single mom, so I don't go running around blaming celebrities and getting upset that others are married. If Angelina, Britany, and Katie's lives are so worth documenting, then copy them in another way...ADOPT! I'm getting so sick of women acting disabled by not getting pregnant. It doesn't define you, motherhood does. Motherhood can be achieved in other ways. I don't sit here a stew over the fact that I couldn't afford designer maternity clothes or a designer stroller, I was concerned about my child's health and his possibility of having Cerebral Palsey. I still can't believe there was an entire article devoted to celebrity pregnancies. The underlying message of infertility was way more important and should've been addressed in a different way. This seriously just angered me.

What about the percentage of my "type" in our society. The single moms...those who struggle to buy formula, those who haven't seen their friends in weeks, those who haven't slept in weeks, those who think that getting married now can be as hard to obtain as enough money to fly our children all over the world like Angelina. Us single moms don't get these types of articles published where we can vent our frustrations out on others. We all face hard struggles in life, we are all dealt a pretty bad hand at some point. But don't use celebrities and your friends with babies as ammo to fire when you're mad that you can't concieve. Embrace your friends with children and don't buy the magazine with the words "Bump Watch." If anything, look into adopting if Angelina's life seems so fabulous to you.


Here's what I posted in reply:

To the person who posted about how ridiculous this article is, I want to say this. I hope you never have to deal with the struggle of infertility. I am one of the women whom Lynn interviewed for this article and you really just don't get it.

No one said that being pregnant is the ONLY way to become a mother and I know lots of women who have decided to adopt whether or not they ever struggled with infertility. Just because there are children available for adoption doesn't mean that women should be required to choose that path when getting pregnant isn't easy for them.

And no one 'blamed' Britney Spears for having two, they simply expressed their frustration at the fact that she seemingly easily conceived and they did not.

I'm sure your struggles as a single-mom are tough. My sister is a single mother so I've witnessed some of it thru her. I do not pretend to be able to compare my struggles with hers or yours the way you seem to think you can compare your life to that of an infertile woman.
You say you "can't believe there was an entire article devoted to celebrity pregnancies". Have you SEEN the magazines on the newsstands lately? There are practically entire publications devoted to which celebrity is pregnant and who is trying to be. That's the point of this article - that when you are struggling to get pregnant, being constantly reminded about it at the newsstand is hard.


As to the percentage of your type in society, I wouldn't know about that as I haven't experienced it. Perhaps you should send a helpful email to Glamour magazine asking them to feature articles about single mothers? That seems much more fruitful than bashing this article.
My personal opinion is that the most valuable information in this piece is the fact that the focus on celebrity pregnancies gives a false illusion to many women. Younger women who are not yet ready for children look at a lot of celebrity moms and think that they waited into their late 30's and 40's to have a baby and they were able to get pregnant, it's ok for me to wait too. That may be the case, but often those celebrities used donor eggs or other expensive infertility treatments to achieve those pregnancies. The celebrities may not want everyone out there so deep in their business and that's their right, but they could do a real service to others if they chose to talk about it.


If this article spurs one woman to not wait too long and saves her from the struggle of infertility, then I say it was worth every page it was printed on.

Good luck to you and your struggle as a single-mom. I hope that you are able to find support where and when you need it.

So, what do you think?

6 comments:

Hope Floats said...

GOOD FOR YOU! I will read the entire article and post a response when I have a chance...but I stand behind you. (Obviously)

Anonymous said...

UGH well said! Being a single mom does not correlate to IF at all. I could state my opinion about her but I don;t know her whole story so I'll refrain.

Heather said...

Sounds like assvice from a Fertile. Why do they automatically go into pushing adoption?

So far, I have never known an IF who didn't think about adoption at some point and who didn't think adoption was a good thing. It may not be right for them, right then - but they still thought adoption was a positive thing. So WHY do fertiles think we have never considered it as an option??

Your reply was super!!

Heather said...

Sounds like assvice from a Fertile. Why do they automatically go into pushing adoption?

So far, I have never known an IF who didn't think about adoption at some point and who didn't think adoption was a good thing. It may not be right for them, right then - but they still thought adoption was a positive thing. So WHY do fertiles think we have never considered it as an option??

Your reply was super!!

Jamie said...

I totally agree, her comments were out there and she definitely does not get it.

I think you responded well and handled yourself very well in the response. You were much more sane than I could have been!

seattlegal said...

Hi - I found your blog via cyclesista. I really like your response to this person. She obviously does not get what it's like to go through infertility. I like that your response didn't attack her for what she said, but rather tried to explain to her the intent of the article.

Good luck with your IVF cycle. I hope to be starting #1 soon too.