Friday, August 18, 2006

Yoga momma

I've been doing Iyengar (ee-YEN-gar) style hatha yoga for several years now and it never fails to amaze me how challenging it is, even to this day. There are just some poses that are so tough, and it's different for different people. For example, I've always been able to do shoulder stand - Salamba Sarvangasana but there are some people in my class that are way more advanced than me and they still struggle with this one. That's what I love about yoga, it's not about how good you are, it's about how you are doing and feeling on that day.

Lately, I've been having some breakthroughs in class and it's been just great. I've gotten up into handstand - Adho Mukha Vrksasana for the first time ever and now I can get up by myself. Next step - kick up with the other foot first! Somehow, achieving this pose opened up my perspective of what I can or can't do. Just this week, I was able to do a forearm balance called Pincha Mayurasana and even though I've been able to do a headstand - Salamba Sirsasana for years up against the wall, I was able to take my heels off the wall for a few seconds at a time! What a rush! This is from someone who STILL can't do a cartwheel.

Yoga was very good for me yesterday. We did a lot of backbends Urdhva Dhanurasana, which in the yoga perspective brings a lot of emotions to the forefront. The back is your past, the front is your future, so anything that focuses on the back brings your past towards your future - therefore into your present. It was very cathartic for me to verbalize that my body/I needed to let go of these cysts and that it's my fear of the IVF not working and being officially done TTC that is keeping me from moving on. As long as the IVF is in front of me, I'm still officially TTC. I'm scared of failing and giving up on my dream of another child. God, what if it doesn't work?

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