Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Bad news isn't ever easy to hear.

So, the appointment with the RE didn't go as well as I'd hoped. He doesn't want me to do anything to end this cycle. He doesn't want me to take any drugs to ensure an ovulation either. He thinks that these cysts are another symptom of my diminished ovarian reserve (DOR). My hormones are obviously not balanced and this is yet another side effect. He showed us a nice graph that a collegue of his pulled together that showed odds of success with IVF given my age and FSH level is at best 15%. FIFTEEN PERCENT with the biggest guns that modern medicine has to offer. Just for those of you a bit slower at arithmetic, that's 85% odds that we won't be successful with IVF. Talk about depressing. I guess I should be glad that at least he didn't mention donor eggs.

He said that we'll be very aggressive in treatment if I can get a clear baseline u/s. He doesn't expect a huge crop of eggs and thinks we'll get about 3-6 embryos at most. The DOR also means that the odds of chromosomal issues is higher than other 33 yr olds. My body should still do a good job of weeding out any bad ones by not implanting or miscarrying them (uplifting, eh?), so he encouraged us to consider putting back everything that we get. (If, by some miracle, I make a lot of eggs and we get a lot of embryos then obviously we won't put them all back.) We should be prepared to put back 3-5 embryos. This freaks Hubby out a LOT! I mean a LOT! I'm not nearly as scared about twins as he is and I know way too many gals from online groups that put back more than 2 embryos and did not end up with twins (if any). I also know a lot who got twins, but didn't deliver twins. Seeing two gestational sacs at a 7w u/s is certainly no guarantee of needing a double stroller.

Oh, and based on my DOR, if I get pg, I'll need to be treated as someone much older with regard to prenatal testing. I'll be encouraged to consider an amnio or other invasive testing.

I was alone in the car on the way home yesterday since Hubby met me there after work. It was good to have some time on my own to process a bit. I hope no one I know saw me b/c I was a mess. Screaming at the top of my lungs, "IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" over and over. Crying uncontrollably. I haven't cried that hard since May 5 - the day my womb became empty again. I think it was crying out too.


Anonymous said...

You're right. It isn't fair. Hope you felt a little better after you got it out. {{hugs}}

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your bad news. It really is so incredibly unfair.