5mo3w - Space Needle visit

We have some family in town this week for christmas and we took everyone into the city to see some sights. Not great weather, but very fitting for Seattle - cold and rainy.

I wore Tristan in one of my wraps almost the entire time and he loved it. I got him into a cradle position to nurse him when we got to the Space Needle and he had his 2nd breakfast (my little Hobbit) on the elevator ride up to the top. He ended up falling asleep in the wrap and took a nice long nap while we explored the EMP (Experience Music Project) and the Sci-Fi Museum (I wanted to nap in there too).

Here's a pic of us battling the wind and rain out on the observation deck in Simon (the name of the colorway of the wrap).

And here is a pic of us from inside the observation deck that Ryan took. Notice the obligatory Starbucks in my hand.

5mo1w - We have started solids

I was originally going to wait until 6 mo based on the AAP recommendations. The only reason I relented and started a bit early is that Tristan has been wanting to nurse every 90 min during the day. I figured at first it could be a growth spurt and that he'd even out in a few days, but he's still wanting to nurse that often and shows several other 'signs of readiness' so off we go.

Started with bananas (Ger.ber organic) and he was not really very fond of them. I decided to thaw out one of the overripe frozen bananas I have in my freezer for doing banana bread someday (hahahaha) and see if he liked it better. His reaction was still so-so. I got maybe 6-10 spoonfuls (small ones at that) in him before he was turning his head away telling me he was done.

Tonight, I decided to break out the sweet potatoes (again, Ger.ber organic) but since these don't come in the smaller 1st foods size container I had to open one of the larger 2nd food size ones. I figured we might not get thru it before it goes bad, but might as well try. Oh boy! We have ourselves a winner here folks! Tristan not only liked it, but he kept opening up his mouth wide and getting all excited about another spoonful coming at him. I kid you not, he ate nearly the entire container! My little piggy.

And as I type this, he is having some tummy time on his playmat and I swear he's trying to figure out how to get his knees under him so he can crawl. This kid hasn't rolled over on his own yet, but he wants to crawl? Huh?

5mo video

Thought this might be fun. His squeals are too funny!

http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-us&vid=a90750fa-7b13-481c-81ef-dddcfe65558e

5 mo old today

And cute as ever!

Babywearing action shots

I have had this gorgeous gauze wrap since before Tristan was born and haven't had the nerve to start using it. Was using my Moby more at first. Anyway, I finally got the nerve to practice with it more and Ryan was more than happy to assist.

The wrap is from Gypsymama and is a Bali Baby Breeze in the Haumea color/pattern. The carry is called a rucksack. Please ignore my bad hair, no makeup, tired eyes etc. Oh, and the bad picture in general from my camera phone.

Later on, I tried it with Tristan and he seemed to love it. Today, I tried a variation on the rucksack called the Tibetan with him and that one went well too.

4mo 2wks - Nursing update

You may or may not recall that ever since about 2 months Tristan has been refusing to nurse during the day and I ended up pumping full time for a few weeks there.

Well, I've been patient and hoping that things would turn around and they seem to be doing so, finally. I haven't pumped in 24 hours and he took nearly all his feedings today straight from the tap. His only bottle was the last feeding - he was so tired he didn't want to nurse on the right side so I gave him 4oz in a bottle which he sucked right down and then he acted hungry still so I nursed him more on the left side which he sucked down eagerly.

Yesterday he even nursed in the middle of a noisy restaurant - no sling, no coverup, nothing. His eyes were looking all over the room, but he didn't break his latch once until he was done and he ate quite a bit too.

I'm so happy that I'm FINALLY headed towards the sort of nursing relationship I had with my first and that I was most looking forward to during the pregnancy. Finally.

No excuse - just been busy

sorry for my long absence. I've looked at my last post so many times and thought, "Ugh, I need to update that" but never got around to it.

Tristan's sleep is still rough, but we do get a good night here and there. His 4mo check up was great, he's growing nicely up to 15lb 11.5oz and 26.5 in. His weight percentile has dropped from off the charts at birth to about 70% now. His pediatrician is not worried though and this is the trend Ryan took as a baby. T is now more long and lean which is good because all of Ryan's old clothes were things that fit that body type better.

He'll nurse about half the time now, but we still don't have much luck unless it's right after a nap and in his room. I'll take it though.

We've been battling colds around here that we seem to be passing around like the rolls basket at Thanksgiving dinner. Speaking of which, we're headed to Oregon next week to visit family so if I'm AWOL again, that's why.

Hope everyone out there is doing well and that babies are sleeping well and growing well and well...that's about it from here.

Halloween 2007

Both of the boys have been sick recently and Ryan is still sick, poor guy. He woke up Saturday night with croup and then Tristan was a little bit croupy the other night too. Luckily, both of them seem to be past that part of their colds.

We still took them out trick-or-treating last night though, just not for very long. They were so cute! Tristan wore Ryan's old costume -thinking he'll be doing that for the next several years at least.

This morning, Ryan asked me to put his bucket of candy where he couldn't reach it. Huh? I asked him why and he said that he wanted me to get things out for him when it was ok. Huh???? Who IS this kid and what did he do with my 4 year old boy? Who does that??? I remember being told I could only have 1-2 pieces a day and it seemed like pure torture to know I had all the candy sitting there and couldn't go nuts with it. This kid is ASKING to be kept from his. Uh, ok. We'll see how long that lasts.

Here's my boys in their costumes, so cute.

3 month pictures

I've got copies for grandparents and aunts/uncle, need to get them into the mail soon. Got these done last week and I love them. Of course it helps that the subject is so darn cute!

I put Ryan in these red overalls all the time and I'm so excited that Tristan gets to wear them now too.

The Seahawks have been stinking lately, but he's still cute in the jersey. Why is it that this side-lying pose they do at this place always makes me think of a Play*girl centerfold?? LOL

My future quarterback.

3mo1w - I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel

After Tristan had one of his worst sleep nights ever (waking at 4 am to 'talk' for an hour before going back to sleep, this after being fed twice already in the night) I decided that something had to change or I might not keep my sanity.

I got Dr. Richard Ferber's book (Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems) and gave it a quick read to get the basics (I'm still working on the rest of it) and decided to give it a go last night. Tristan had gone down for a nap at 5:30 and decided it was bedtime. He woke up at 9:15 to eat and wouldn't go back down. Ugh.

The basic idea is to allow them to cry/fuss for short periods of time which you keep increasing so that they learn how to put themselves to sleep and break a dependance on you/bottle/boob/etc. You check on them, but don't pick up or feed in between these progressively longer times. Anyway, I put him back down for the night at 10pm and he cried for 3min, I went in to reassure him, gave him his pacifier (we'll wean off of this later) and he went right off to sleep. He woke at 1am (I had decided to not feed him until 2am based on the book and how long he's been able to go between feedings in the past) and cried for 3min, 5min, 5min, 5min and then went back to sleep - probably w/o the pacifier in his mouth. He didn't wake up again until 4am! That proved to me that he wasn't truly hungry at 1am since hunger would have caused him to wake up sooner than 4. I fed him at 4 and he 'talked' to himself (no crying) for about 10 min before going back to sleep w/o a pacifier in his mouth and woke up happy as a clam (so was I) at 7am!

I'm using the same program for naps and the most he's needed today is one check after the 3 min. I know lots of books say that you're not supposed to sleep train until 4mo, but frankly he's already over 15lbs and eats pretty well during the day and was only snacking at night to get back to sleep so we decided to start now to save my sanity and keep him from getting any more dependant upon eating/rocking to go back to sleep.


In other news, Sunday was a great day for nursing. I'm not even sure I've mentioned much on here how he's stopped nursing in public and hardly wants to nurse during the day at all, preferring to take his milk from a bottle. That makes for a lot more work for me since I have to do all the work of nursing (pumping) and the work of bottle feeding/washing. Well, Saturday he nursed in a restaurant at lunch for the first time in weeks. Then, Sunday, we didn't really go anywhere and I got him to nurse for all but 2 feedings. Yay!! I think we'll get him back on the boob in the next few weeks.


Lastly, today was my first day back at yoga. Ryan had been taking swim lessons at the gym that coincided with yoga so I had not been able to get back yet. Being a typical 4 year old, he was preferring to play and goof around in the pool and I realized that it could take months for him to improve enough to get to move on to the next level which would allow me to do yoga. I asked him last week if he wanted to prove to me that he was going to do a better job of listening to the teacher or if he'd prefer to take a break from swim lessons and spend time in the Kids Club at the gym while I do yoga instead. He eagerly asked to go to Kids Club so we pulled him out of swimming and both of the boys went to Kids Club this morning while I was in yoga. Ahhhhh, if felt wonderful to be back. I'm not sure what part of me enjoyed it more, my mind, body, or spirit. All I know is that I feel like a new woman today.

3mo3d - What a guy!

Sorry I haven't updated in a bit, been busy and tired still. Sleeping isn't much better but at least last night he went right back to sleep after a feeding. He had started a nasty little habit of wanting to be up for about 30-45 min after a feeding which is simply ridiculous at 1am. Last night was better - whew!

Took him to the ped on Thursday to check his ears because he had been waking up screaming every once in a while. Ears are fine. He weighed in at a whopping 14lb 8oz and I had them measure him as well since I think he's getting too long for his infant car seat. He was 25.5 in and the seat goes to 26in. Then he had a classic growth spurt over the weekend and now his pjs fit tighter so I'm assuming he made it to 26in by now. I installed the big convertible carseat yesterday (planning on using the smaller one in Hubby's car) and Tristan absolutely HATED it. He screamed the entire time in it. So, I've put in the smaller of the convertible seats we have in for today and hoping for a different outcome.

Now to the meat of my post. Ryan is such a precocious little guy and this morning he gave us another great story for the blog. Hubby got up with Tristan at 6:45 and the two of them were in the office playing and cooing. Tristan has found his scream/squeal voice and prefers to use that mostly in the mornings. Anyway, at about 7:15 the two of them came in to wake me up and Ryan came out of his room to join the crew. With such excitement and joy in his voice he proclaimed that mommy and daddy HAD to come see this! Hubby followed him back to his room and I expected to hear about a cool layout of cars on his streets rug in his room, but I hear Hubby say that I really should get up and see this so I extracate myself from my warm comfy bed and investigate. Ryan had opened up his blinds and NEEDED to show us the pink and orange sky outside his room. "Look mom! It's the sunrise! The sun is waking up! Isn't it pretty???" Yes, my little man, it sure is. I just wish we had a camera upstairs to take a picture of it to include with the story because it really WAS a beautiful sunrise.

12w1d - I'm...so...tired

Sorry I haven't updated again since last weekend's illness. The mastitis symptoms pretty much were gone by Sunday and I'll be finishing up the antibiotics soon. Part of me wishes I had not started them yet as I think I could have kicked it w/o them. Oh well, hindsight=20/20.

I'm hoping that this past week has been Tristan going thru a growth spurt and that it explains why he's suddenly sleeping so horribly at night again. We've got a pattern of going down at about 7:30-8:00 and then waking to eat at 12:00, 3:00, 5:00, 6:30... Very tiring, to say the least. Hubby let me sleep in this morning until 9am and it was heavenly.

We keep reminding ourselves over and over that it won't be like this forever and that he will eventually learn to sleep better. Until then, I'm gonna have to tough it out I guess. And on that note, good night.

11w1d - Can I please catch a break?

I have mastitis again. I got it pretty badly with Ryan and luckily it's not as bad this time, but I feel like shit. All over body aches, fever, chills, headache. Yuck. Hubby is on his way to the pharmacy right now for antibiotics. I just hope we don't end up with thrush again from the antibiotics. I was so cold last night with the chills. I had on long sleeve PJs with pants, 3 blankets and was shaking so badly that it was like I was on a vibrating bed. I would have checked my temp then, but I was too scared to get up because the room would feel so cold. Ibuprofen is my friend.

10w2d - Well, that's not going to work (& pics)

So, I took the Zol.oft on Friday night and when I got up to feed Tristan at 1:30 I was really groggy. I thought, great, it's going to make me sleepy, that's perfect. Well, then once I got back to bed I couldn't get back to sleep for an hour and a half. As if the insomnia wasn't enough, my RLS flared up so badly! I haven't had any RLS issues since the 2nd trimester and BAM, one Zol.oft and my legs are running a friggin' marathon under the sheets. I tried taking it on Saturday in the late morning to see if I could tolerate the RLS better during the day. I was a walking zombie for about 3-4 hours and then the RLS was back. The zombie part was so odd - for those few hours I was so darn apathatic. You could have told me my house was on fire and I'd hardly move any faster. Those side effects are just not acceptable to me so I did not take any meds today. I'll be calling my OB tomorrow to see if there are any non-SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors) meds that are safe during breastfeeding. If not, I'll try to muscle thru this with out meds because I'm not giving up breastfeeding and I'm not taking an SSRI. I took Celexa (another SSRI) years ago and the biggest reason I wanted to get off of it was that it made my RLS so bad. Ugh.

Oddly enough, I'm feeling a lot better the last couple of days, even with a bad sleep night last night. I think just admitting that I wasn't feeling 'right' helped me to force myself to be in a better mood. When I think about dealing with those side effects for months, I'm motivated to try and work my way out of this funk on my own.

On a much happier note, we finally got those pictures from our friends. Here's some of my favorites.

10 weeks Post Partum - PPD Strikes Again

I felt so confident that I had been able to dodge the bullet this time, but apparently not.

I had pretty bad PP Anxiety with Ryan and it got bad enough that I started meds. Two days later, the anxiety suddenly lifted and since the meds couldn't have kicked in yet, I stopped taking them. I didn't realize until months later when I woke up one day and realized I felt 'normal' again that I should have stayed on them, that I had still been dealing with PPD.

This time, no anxiety and I really thought things were going to be fine. I realized yesterday that it's not just sleep deprivation (although that's definitely a contributing factor) that's making me so irritable and sad - it's PPD again. Yesterday my 4yr old came up to me and said, "Hi, I'm Ryan. Hi, Cranky. Can Mommy come back now?" I've been naming his bad moods and asking that Ryan be the one who comes to the restaurants etc. with us and he turned it back on me. I realized that I was spending more and more time during the day not happy and was starting to avoid spending time with Tristan because I was getting resentful of him for my sleep deprivation and that's just not fair to him. I'm embarrassed to say that I was so cranky that when Tristan would wake up during a nap and I'd have to go back upstairs AGAIN to settle him I'd often blurt out a curse word and it got to the point that I didn't care if Ryan was in the room. I went to the doctor today and my OB gave me Zol.oft which I'll start tonight. Should take 2 weeks to kick in, here's hoping for more good sleep nights between now and then to help me get thru.

Just because it had been 10 weeks doesn't mean I was out of the woods. I hope that with time, sleep, and Zol.oft, I'll be able to find my way out of this soon. I really want to enjoy this time since I didn't enjoy it much with Ryan.

2mo6d - Check up & sleep updates

Tristan's 2 mo check up was yesterday, all looks good. He's up to 13lb 7oz and 24.5 in. Somehow I thought he was longer than that, but I guess not. I talked to the doctor about how I think he might not be refluxing after all, that I think it might have more to do with my overactive letdown making him fuss on the breast and then once the flood slows down, I think he gets cranky at having to work for the rest of the milk. The dr tends to agree that it's probably not true reflux and we'll try my measures for managing the letdown for a couple of weeks and then try taking him off meds. We both think it might also just be a matter of him outgrowing some of his fussiness too.

He got 3 of 4 vaccinations yesterday too. They were out of Hib so we'll have to catch up on that one. Three was enough, let me tell you. He was a cranki-puss all afternoon and refused to nap unless he was being worn in the Moby and I had to walk the entire time. I did laps of our first floor for over an hour to keep him asleep. I guess I got some free exercise though. And to make it worse, he had slept horribly the night before - up 3 times to eat. Ugh was I tired!

Sleep update - I'm so happy to report though that last night he had his best sleep night yet. He went down by 8pm and while I did have to get up at 12:30 to give him back his binky, he didn't wake up to eat until right before 3am and didn't get up again to eat until nearly 7am. Wow, I could really get used to that!

2mo2d - Updated pics

We STILL haven't gotten the studio pics from our friends. That's my goal for the weekend, get them no matter what. BUT, I do have a few other pics I can share.

With Ryan, we did monthly pics of him sitting next to this bear so you could see how big he was getting. I kick myself that we missed Tristan's 1 mo pic, but can't change that now. Here's the 2 mo version.

This next pic is one we did at 2 weeks old on our own here at home. Hubby played with it a bit and I just love it. As Hubby said, if you have a kid with a grumpy face, why not go with it?? LOL

8w4d - Now that's more like it!

Happy to report that after a looooong day with very few naps, last night was much better. Seems he got back on his routine of 8pm bed, feeding at 2-ish and 5-ish, up at 7-ish. Whew!

On another note, I think part of the problem on Sunday night was that he's outgrown his 0-6 mo pacifiers. I had noticed last week that sometimes I'd take the binky out and he'd have a bit of a pressure imprint on his face from it. That should have told me that he's sucking really hard to keep it in his mouth because it's too short for him now. Got him some 6mo+ ones yesterday and he took right to them. This kid's got a big mouth apparently! LOL

8w3d - Two steps forward, one BIG step back.

We got the great sleep pattern one more night (down by 8, eat at 2 and 5, up at 7) but then last night, it all went to hell. We had some people over for Labor Day and right before we were ready to eat at about 6:15 or so, Tristan was showing early sleepy signs, so I took him upstairs for a nap while we ate. I was so excited that he timed it so well that I could eat in peace. By the time everyone left at 8-ish, it was clear that he didn't see this sleep session as a nap - he was down for the night. This wouldn't have been so bad except that he was not in PJs and was in a cloth diaper that would not have been absorbant enough to get us to 1 or 2am. I decided to go in at about 8:30 and carefully change him and feed him one more time. Even though my sleep book (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child) says, "Never wake a sleeping baby." - more than once, I did it. Boy, was that a bad idea. Remind me to never do that again.

It took 3-4 times of me going back in w/in 30 min to put his pacifier back in his mouth to get him to finally settle. Even though he was asleep when I put him down. Then, he was up again at 12 something and again it took multiple binky rescues (about 7 I think) before I gave up and put him in the cosleeper next to me. He finally settled and was up again at 2:30 to eat. He would NOT settle after this though and by 3am I had had enough. My wonderful Hubby came in from the office (where he's taken to sleeping again to get some rest) and volunteered to stay up with Tristan for a while. He brought him back to me at 5am to eat again and I brought him back to Hubby afterwards in the family room where Hubby was watching a silly movie. I got up at 7-ish and Hubby said that Tristan had barely slept from 3-7. Oh boy. Today should be a fun day - not. Hubby just went to go take a nap - poor guy. I guess it's a right of passage as a parent to stay up for hours with a child who can't/won't sleep. I've done it with Ryan a few times when he's gotten croup and a few times with Tristan in the early weeks. It's no fun, no fun at all.

8w1d - Sleep is a beautiful thing

Tristan was ready for bed last night and in his crib asleep by 7:45. I was so worried that him wanting to go down so early was going to mean a loooong night for me, but happily it did not. He stirred a bit at 1:00 and was happy to go back to sleep once I gave him back his pacifier. He didn't wake to eat until 2:00, then right back to bed. He actually slept thru the diaper change and re-swaddle after eating. Not a peep until 5:15. I probably could have gotten away with another 'binky rescue' but my poor boob was so engorged I was willing to feed him. Then he slept until 7:30 this morning and by 8:45, he was down for a nap. When they say sleep begets sleep in a baby, it's so true. I feel like a new woman.

Gonna take him for a walk in the jogger (reclined) to the store later to get stuff for dinner. It's a beautiful day here in Seattle and not just because it's sunny and warm.

7w1d - No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth.

Sorry, been busy. We were out of town visiting FIL and his wife (feels weird to say step-MIL) in Oregon and then, well, not much time to sit at the laptop and write a post. I'll try to get better and just do little ones more frequently.

Had my 6wk PP check-up - cleared to work out again - just in time for my long-time yoga teacher (for about 8-9 years) to leave the gym I go to. He's got a studio but I can't afford those prices. I'm bummed - seriously. Don't know yet what I'm going to do for yoga classes yet as the gym hasn't hired a replacement. Guess I'll have to start with good old cardio and weights - boring! Oh yeah, and I'm officially 4lbs UNDER my pre-pg weight - without working out! How'd that happen? My clothes still don't fit right AT ALL thanks to the overstretched belly skin that might never go back on it's own, but at least the number on the scale is being nice to me even if the number on the back of my pants isn't.

Still haven't gotten pics yet - working on it. Here's a blurry smile from yesterday - he won't hold still when he's smiling/laughing so they're all blurry.

Here, he seems to be saying, "Put 'em up, put 'em up!" He wiggles around so much lately, cracks me up!
I finished the blanket I have been knitting for Tristan. I'd planned to finish it on the day he was born but he had other ideas. I'll post a pic of this soon too. I love how it turned out. It's pretty big - crib sized and yarn is so soft and yummy. I taught myself how to do a cable stitch and how to weave in the ends for this project.
Ok, he's awake, more later.

ETA: Ok, it's later and I just had to add this. Tristan rolled from his tummy to his back - TWICE! I put him on his belly/elbows to look at the mirror on his activity mat and he almost immediately decided he'd rather not be in that position and rolled over. Put him back and he did it again!! I think this kid is going to keep my on my toes - rolling over at 7wks??? Oh boy.

1m 1d - First smiles

Tristan gave us his first voluntary smile on Saturday. It was so cute. Daddy was holding him and gets to claim the first smile - lucky dog! It was good timing too, as some friend's of ours who are photographers came by to take some pics. I think we caught the real smile in at least one pic, I should have them soon and will post some then. Our friends are doing mostly weddings right now, but hope to branch out to include child/baby portraits too so we get to have fun being their guinea pigs.

Now, I know it's not an official weight because he had a (clean) diaper on and it wasn't the most accurate scale, but I did the whole weigh us together then me and subtract thing today and according to that, this kid already weighs 13 pounds! Yes, I meant to type 1-3, that is not a typo. You might notice from the title of this post that he's only 1 day into his 2nd month. Yowza! We have our official 1 month check up next week so I'll get an 'official' weight then. I swear he's a lot longer too, he's grown out of about half of his 0-3 month clothes - at ONE MONTH OLD! I find this fact so amusing.

My MIL left today to go home and Hubby and NSWO and I are all a bit sad to see her go. It was a lovely visit. I pumped a couple of bottles this morning to take in the car so we wouldn't have to be held up by a hungry baby and MIL was feeding him some milk as we pulled up to the curb at the airport. It was so sweet, she looked at Tristan and said, "Do you think you can keep drinking this milk for the next several weeks so I have to stay?"

The thrush is still here, not sure the Rx meds did much of anything for the gas, although his diaper rash did seem to get better. We're doing a few days of Gentian Violet and if this doesn't clear it up by later this week, I'll call the doctor to see what Rx med we should try next. Tristan still wakes up with painful gas during the night and sometimes during the day, but overall, his sleeping is a bit better. He seems to be falling into a pattern of waking sometime between 1:30-2:00am, then about 4:45-5:00am and again at 6:30-7:00am. Not too bad for a one month old - hoping it continues to get even better in the next month.

So, I realized the other day that it's silly to keep refering to my oldest as NSWO (Not So Wee One) if I'm going to call the Wee One (WO??) by his first name. I guess I should stop using WO's name, but why not use NSWO's name? Anyway, after a bit of thought (that took about 16 seconds I think) I'd rather use my boys' names since I like them so much. So, without further ado and rambling from me - NSWO's actual name is Ryan.

4w old - The battle with thrush

Tristan and I are dealing with thrush. This is no fun at all. Not as bad for me - I get shooting pains in my nipples after a feeding, but really it's not much worse than the pins and needles feeling when your leg falls asleep. Poor Tristan though has it rougher. He's got the white patches in his mouth so at times during the day he'll not want to nurse because it's uncomfortable. He's also got a nasty diaper rash, but the Rx cream is helping that one pretty well. The biggest issue for him is that the yeast overgrowth has made it into his intestines. If you think about what yeast does to bread dough, you can imagine that everytime he nurses, the milk feeds the yeast in his gut and they explode causing serious gas bubbles for the little guy. Mostly at night too. I can feel the bubbles rumbling around in there and he grunts and cries out until he's able to fart it all out. He mostly sleeps thru these attacks, but unfortunately, I do not. It gets to the point that the only thing that will soothe him is to feed him and then the whole thing starts over again. Ugh. He's on oral meds and the cream, but I'm not sure it's helping yet. We did the Gentian Violet stuff one night, but it turned his lips so purple that I want/need to wait until after we do pictures tomorrow before doing it more.

I'm on meds too, but not sure they're enough, I may have to move on to something more powerful which I really don't want to do.

I think this kid could sleep sooo much better if we could get rid of this gas. I thought it was getting better for a couple of nights and he actually slept from 10pm to 3am night before last. Unfortunately, last night was back to the multiple awakenings and I'm exhausted again. Will definitely be needing a nap today.

In happier news, Hubby's mom is in town visiting and we're all having a great time. Wish me luck that the thrush clears up soon so we can all get some rest.

In Memoriam - for Aria and her family

I post on Fertility Friend and there is a nice group of ladies that are/were due in July together. We have gone thru our entire pregnancies together and seen lots of highs and lows during that time. Today, we were dealt a devastating blow as a group. One of our members, Aria, who was having her second child went in on Thursday evening to be induced at 41+ weeks. Her fluid levels had risen enough that her doctor didn't want to wait any longer. During the night, while her husband slept, Aria had an apparent Amniotic Embollism. They rushed her into an emergency c-section and her son, Max, was delivered safely. Aria, unfortunately, did not survive and died a short time later. Aria also has a beautiful daughter Maezie and a loving husband, Ryan who will miss her terribly.

I find myself in tears everytime I think about Aria and see in my mind the picture she used on the forums of her with her family. She has such joy in her eyes in that picture and I just can't believe she's gone. It amazes me how someone I've never met can stir such a reaction, but the friendships I have formed online are so very special to me. More than I ever anticipated.

Another July mom created this 'blinkie' as a way of remembering Aria.

And yet another July mom wrote this poem that breaks my heart.

She touched so many,
She never knew.
Inside her belly-
Her future grew.

A daughter then son
And husband by her side
She lived on top of the world
She was down for the wildest ride.

The lioness they called her
Aria was her name.
The lord came to call her.
There is no one to blame

Hush my babies,
Don’t you cry
In clouds of angels
Mommy sings you a lullaby.

In memory of Aria 2007
-Justine O

Happy Birthday to me!

Hubby went out this morning and got me donuts for breakfast and we did lunch at my favorite Chinese place - yum! Tristan even slept thru the entire lunch which was nice. We're having a few neighbors over for appetizers and cake tonight. Pretty much a low-key birthday, but given it's the third in 2 weeks' time, I guess that's to be expected. I think starting next year, we need to move my celebration to August 20th just to give us a break from celebrating.

34 is treating me pretty well so far I must say. Two beautiful boys, an amazing husband, a great mom out here helping us adjust. Only downfall is the crazy, insane dachshund, but I guess you can't win them all, right?

As of this morning, I'm happy to report that I'm w/in 11lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight. How is that even possible? And yet, all of my non-maternity pants won't fit for weeks. I'm living in yoga pants for a while, hoping I won't need to dress up anytime soon cause I have nothing to wear!

Breastfeeding is going better too, Tristan's latch seems to be getting much better and I don't need the nipple shield as often anymore and the nipple ointment stuff really works well. Whew!

I know I still owe everyone a post on the emotional side of things, mulling it over in my head, hoping to get it commited to text soon.

1w6d - BumGenius Baby

Here's Tristan in his first Bum Genius All-In-One Cloth Diaper. Trust me, even though he's screaming in the picture, he loves them. He just hates diaper changes. These things are so awesome! Just as easy to use as disposables and reusable and WAAAAY cuter!! I did plan to use a bunch of Kissaluv fitted diapers with covers, but turns out that's too many steps for me and Squirt wasn't patient enough for me to get it figured out. I think I'll just stick with the Bum Genius for now. I've got a friend who wants to buy the KLs from me anyway for her baby she's expecting soon so it all works out. I have some of the One Size pockets from BG too, but haven't used them yet. Somehow they seem like they'd be too bulky on the little guy.

It's been a busy week. NSWO's bday party on Monday was a huge hit! Hard to believe he's 4 already. He got lots of fun presents including a few games that are fun for Mom and Dad too.

Wednesday was also our day of pediatrician appointments for the boys. Since they're birthdays are so close together, I'll be able to schedule them together for years to come which will be nice. I didn't realize that NSWO was going to need 5 immunizations though - poor guy! I think it was harder on me and my post-partum hormones than it was on him though. He was such a trooper and didn't even want any Motrin afterwards.

Tristan is doing very well. He's nearly back to his birth weight already at 12days old and he's officially 'off the charts' for length, weight, and head circumfrence. His latch seems to be improving a lot and the LC gave me some 'all purpose nipple ointment' that the pharmacy at the hospital mixes up to get my nips to heal up faster. His feedings are starting to be faster and better spaced as well. I asked the LC when babies who do this cluster feeding thing tend to stop and she said, "When you're completely fed up and ready to quit nursing usually they'll give you a break." My response was, "Oh good, so tomorrow should be better?" And it was, oddly enough. He's starting to get a bit of a routine at night too - feeding at 10pm, 1am, 4am, 7am for the most part. We had pizza last night though and apparently he's not a big fan. Poor guy had horrible gas all night long - I'll definitely be needing a nap today.

0w7d - Official Due Date & official nickname

Tristan is a week old today, although he looks about 2 months old.

I'm so happy to report that we both got some GREAT sleep last night. Nighttime feeds still take an hour, but he let me sleep from 10-1, then 2-4 and 5-7. In fact, as I type this, he's still asleep at 8am.

Tristan has officially earned his nickname too - Squirt. From the first moments out of the womb when he peed at my face into the window of the drape, to the first diaper change for Daddy where he nailed Daddy right in the front of his shorts (making it appear as if Daddy had peed himself), to the numerous times he's showered himself and me in the last week - this kid is definitely a Squirt.

Last night, he added a new trick to his squirt regimine. During the 4am feeding, I was changing his poopy diaper before offering him the second breast. I've since learned my lesson to keep a cloth diaper draped over his penis to keep the shower from getting everywhere. No sooner had I put the new diaper under his bum than he started to fill it up again. Oh crud! Grab another wipe, another diaper and start over. I was bringing the diaper over to put it under his bum and he squirted again - this time I caught it, but it got all over my hand in the process. Mind you, I'm downstairs by myself and everyone else is peacefully asleep upstairs. Luckily, my mom is staying with us and happened to be awake and came downstairs to see if I needed help. All in all, I think we went thru 4-5 diapers for that one diaper change! Crazy.

Oh, yes, and lest we forget yesterday's bath adventure. Squirt's first bath at home and he's all nice and clean and cuddled in a warm soft fluffy towel with Daddy when we hear it. That sound that means he's not alone in that towel anymore. Then it happens again, and again. Thank goodness I hadn't emptied the bath water yet so we dipped the bottom half in a few times and Nana got a new towel. This time, the cuddles were cut short in favor of a diapered bottom. Ah, the joys of parenting a newborn.

I'll get more pics up soon, I promise.

0w5d - I forgot how much it hurts in the beginning.

Nursing, that is. This kid likes to eat - a LOT - and my poor nipples are getting so beat up. We had our appointment yesterday at the Post Partum Care Center yesterday. This is a regular part of OB care at my hospital and everyone is encouraged to be seen by one of the nurses/lactation consultants about 4-5 days post partum to catch any issues early. Even those who bottle feed and had normal vaginal deliveries can benefit. Anyway, turns out that while Tristan starts out his latch well enough with a wide open mouth, after a few sucks, he's been letting a lot of the areola slip out and ending up with just the nipple and it's starting to take a toll on my breasts. Part of it was doing the side-lying position during the night - I couldn't see very well how his latch was and he was lazier than usual during the night. Last night, I ended up not going to bed at all and slept in the arm chair downstairs with him in my arms when we weren't actually nursing so I could leave a light on dimly and be able to see better what was going on. I ended up only getting about 2 hours of sleep in total - that sucked. Hubby got up at 6am and took Tristan so I could go to bed for a couple more hours which really helped.

The LC that we met with yesterday had us tally up the number of wet/poopy diapers as well as the number of nursing sessions in 24hrs. Turns out, he fed 21 times in 24 hours. No wonder my nipples are killing me! We worked on his latch issues and I'm hopeful that things will improve quickly. I also have a very small spot on my incision that is opened up a tiny bit. OB took a look and said it's not a problem, just keep the spot clean and it will heal up just fine. The only problem for me is that I never know what movement or position is going to make that spot feel like my skin is tearing apart. Hoping that heals up quickly too, I'm sure it will.

I have another blog topic swimming around in my brain (a few actually) but time is limited right now so they'll have to wait. One topic is how things are going with the emotions this time around. I'm feeling 180* different from last time which makes me so unbelievably happy. I'll elaborate soon, but for now, I'm not worried about PPD coming back and hopeful that it will continue to be this way, even with hard nights like last night.

0w3d - Announcing the arrival of Tristan Roark

Sorry I haven't updated before now, been a bit busy.

Hubby and I went to the OB appointment and the mild contractions and bloody show had continued. My OB said he was fine with us going home and waiting to see if this was real labor or just a false alarm. He did check my cervix which was just beginning to dilate and was effacing and very soft. The contractions were getting uncomfortable enough that I doubted we'd be able to wait it out the rest of the day and overnight so we begrudgingly opted to go for the surgery on Friday, one day early.

They had me checked in pretty quickly, and luckily, my friend Lisa, who had agreed to videotape the surgery for me was nearby and able to get to the hospital in time. Surgery went great and Tristan Roark A__ was born at 1:07 pm on July 6, 2007. As for our guesses on his weight, we were all a bit surprised. Myriam and Gramma Sue were closest as this moose came out at 10lb 3oz and 21 1/2 in long. He peed and pooped almost immediately and let me tell you, this kid has a good set of lungs!

Healing has been going very well and I was up and walking within about 9 hours of surgery. I did have some trouble with nausea Friday evening and vomited a few times, but now that my body is functioning better, that has passed and I was able to resume solid food yesterday. Pain is quite tolerable (way better than last time) and the nurses and I are both surprised at how little pain meds I am needing.

As for the name, Tristan is from Welsh folklore and Roark is Irish and means "famous ruler". We looked for a family name on my side, but didn't find anything that would work well with Tristan and my grandmother (who had 10 children) used a lot of R names, so this ties him back to my side of the family a bit.

Tristan and I are doing well with breastfeeding, but I think he's ready for the milk to be here already. Hoping it shows up today as he did drop 5% of his birthweight at yesterday's check and if he drops too much more today, they may want me to supplement a bit until the milk arrives. He's mostly very calm, but when he gets a gas bubble, he goes from 0-60 in about 2 sec. flat. Last night, he actually slept in my arms from 10pm-5am. I kept trying to offer him the breast, but he'd rather sleep. Feels odd to be so confused about which to prefer right now. I want him to be a good sleeper, but want him to eat well too. He made up for it I think by nursing for an hour straight just now - back and forth 3 times each - and he's acting like he wants more, so I'll have to wrap up soon.

Here's a few pics to tide you over until I can update again. Hopefully going home from the hospital today.

39w0d - final belly pic & update

My mom got into town on Wednesday evening. We had a great time at the parade in town, about a mile from our house. Walking in the heat was not an option and parking is so nuts that if we drove down, we'd end up walking nearly as far so the only logical option was to ride our bikes. Hubby and NSWO have a sort of tandem set up with an extention bike for the little guy, and I have my beach cruiser (LOVE IT!!) so we rode down. I think I caused a bit of a stir - riding a bike with a belly as big as mine, but really it was easier and faster than walking at this point.

Yesterday was my last day at yoga for a while and I was fairly sad to know I won't be back for several weeks. I got a pic of me in headstand one last time to share and for me to remember.

Today, I have an OB appointment and we have to get bags finished packing, etc. I've also got to finish the blanket I'm knitting for the Bean. I figure if I knit all day long, I should be able to finish it in time.

Well, I thought I could, but apparently, this kid has a wicked sense of humor, already. Remember how this pregnancy started with a surprise BFP? (Odd to have a surprise when you've been trying for 2.5 yrs, but still.) Well, it looks like this kid might not care that I negotiated a SUPER COOL birth date for him because I woke up to bloody show this morning and we'll see if I'll be leaving the hospital after my OB appointment or not. Can you stand the irony if he decides to come out today and ruin all my plans for a cool birthday???? I guess he's already telling me I'm not as in charge as I think I am.

Anyway, here's the last belly pic, I'll update later today either way.

38w0d - the final days

Here's today's belly pic. Hubby saw my profile the other day and asked me, "How do you carry that around?" Um, I don't have a choice?
Here's the lastest progression pic, seems like yet another growth spurt from the Bean.

OB appointment on Thursday was actually rather boring, but at this stage, that's good. Weight gain was only a half pound, blood pressure, urine, heartbeat were all good as well. OB's guess from feeling baby thru the belly is 9+ lbs currently. I go back for my last OB visit a week from today.

I found this poem the other day that really speaks to some of what I'm feeling right now. It's about adding another child to the family and how that affects the first one. I find myself feeling sad about the pregnancy being over soon and more sad about my alone time with NSWO coming to an end. Almost as if he can tell things are about to completely change, he has become so sweet and adorable - even more so than usual. Anyway, here's the poem, you may need a tissue, I do.

Loving Two (Author Unknown)

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly, I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me," And I hear myself telling you in mine "I can't." Knowing, in fact, that I never can again. You cry, I cry with you. I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him - as though I am betraying you. But, then, I notice your resentment change, first curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But, something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times - only we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how he adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments, and I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally as strong. And my question is finally answered to my amazement. Yes! I can love another child as much as I love you - only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both or you - you each have your own supply.

I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.

37w5d - Shall we try to guess The Bean's birth weight?

As the final days tick by, I find that my clothes no longer fit. My pants won't stay up, my shirts won't stay down and I've given up caring. LOL I get lots of comments about being ready to pop and how big the belly is. Surprisingly, they don't bother me - they're right, this belly IS big.

So, I thought it might be fun if anyone who is interested officially puts down their guess for birth weight (assuming we make it to the c/s date on 07/07/07 which I think we will) in the comments. Who's game?

Background info: He's been measuring ahead since the NT scan. Last fundal height put me 3wks ahead. Ultrasound at ~32wks guessed 5lb 15oz. The one at 36wk0d guessed 8lb 11oz. My c/s will be at 39w1d.

My first son was born 8 days ahead of his due date at 8lb 8oz and 22.25in long. Hubby and I are both just about 6' tall. If you want to include a guess on length - feel free. I'll update my guess later, don't want to skew anyone's guesses.

37w1d - Two Week Wait - the good kind

Two weeks from today, from this very moment, I will be holding my son in my arms. Or maybe Hubby will be holding him - I'll still be numb from the spinal.

For most women dealing with infertility the term "two week wait" is a concept filled with anticipation, wonder, hope, dread, and even fear. Two weeks of waiting after ovulation (or an insemination, or an egg retrieval for IVF) to find out if your dreams will come true. Unfortunately, for many of us, most of those Two Week Waits did not end like a dream, but more like a nightmare that we just couldn't wake up from. Many of the gals still in the trenches are hoping to wake up from that nightmare soon. I hope they do - very soon. Some of us have gotten lucky and gotten our dream ending. I am so amazingly grateful to be one of them.

2.5 years of TTC, 1 miscarriage, and 9 months of pregnancy and now it all comes down to my last EVER two week wait.

37w0d - belly pic and OB appt update

OB appointment went well. I think I only gained a pound in the last week and I'd like to think it was his weight gain, not mine. LOL My blood pressure was normal (whew!) and heartbeat was good. He checked my cervix (my only internal exam - yay!!) and the cervix is still tightly closed so no risk of imminent labor this week.

Here's the big ol' belly as of today.


Here's the progression with this week added. Belly is more rounded again. This kid keeps kicking me in the same spot on the right side of my belly and I swear it's going to bruise soon. LOL

36w6d - Awww, you make me blush!

Thanks so much guys, you're too sweet. I am so pleased with how the pictures turned out.

The hands on the belly and the flower one were my idea. Hehehe And I did that manicure myself the night before. Told Hubby, "I just saved us $30!"

Heather - I did model for a while after college but I was technically 'too old' at that point and to do it now I'd have to lose way more weight than I want to so I just don't. It was fun while I did it though. I should dig out some of my old modeling pics to post someday. That would be a trip.

Today, at yoga, we did handstands for the first time in a few weeks. My arms felt strong enough, but I was simply unable to push up hard enough to get up against the wall. The belly (and the Bean) is simply too big and heavy now. Sniff, sniff. I was hoping to be able to continue handstands until the very end. At least my headstands are still going strong. On Tuesday, I was so tired and sore that I wondered if I should keep going to yoga class, but I felt so much better after class and felt great yesterday and today so I KNOW it's not a matter of should I go, I MUST go to keep feeling as good as possible.

Lots of gals in the blogosphere and on FF are having their babies and it just gets me so excited and nervous about the Bean's impending arrival. The amnesia from last time is lifting and I'm getting a bit scared of the pain and discomfort that's coming. And, oh boy, I'm hoping the anxiety and depression do NOT return this time. I feel like I'm almost at the top of the big hill on the roller coaster and I've done this one before so I know it's a wild ride. The anticipation is getting higher by the day.

Tiny dancer

36w4d - Maternity pics

My photographer sent me the link to the maternity pics slideshow today. Just a warning that there are a few pics of me in full silhoette. You don't 'see' anything, but you see the outline of everything. Be forewarned. I'll probably not leave the link up for more than a few days just for my own privacy sake.

Anyway, here's the link to the slideshow. (Edited - link removed.)

36w2d - a whole bunch of updates today

First off, let me just say - I'm tired. Emotionally, I'm ok being pregnant for 3 more weeks, but physically, this is getting exhausting. I'm officially at the point where I can't NOT waddle when I walk.
Belly pic - I think he's dropped, what do you think? First, here's this week's pic.
Now, here's a collage of the last 4 pics at 32wks, 34wks, 35wks, and 36wks. Seems bigger and lower to me. Like he's hanging farther out front - it sure feels that way.

Ultrasound update: We had a final ultrasound on Friday to get a gauge for how big he's getting. At our last ultrasound at about 32 weeks, he was estimated at 5lb 15oz. Given the textbook average of 1/2 lb per week, I generously predicted he'd be at 8lb 3oz. I was close, but not quite. He's estimated at 8lb 11oz as of Friday. Holy moose, Batman! No wonder my belly feels so heavy. And the fact that he's so heavy and I think he's dropped to some degree is wreaking havoc on my poor pelvis. My pubic bone pain is back and now my sacrum is also being affected. My cervix has shortened a bit from 5cm to about 3.5cm too but I don't think that means labor will be starting anytime soon.

Shower update: Last Sunday, my lovely neighbor hosted a shower at her house for me along with another neighbor and a friend. It was so lovely of everyone to come by and wish this baby well. We got some nice things that I'm very grateful for. A new bouncer and a lot of the supplies we still need for cloth diapering. I had told myself mentally that I couldn't be impatient about the pregnancy being over until after the shower and now that it's done, I'm starting to feel excited and anxious. Here's a picture from the shower. The cake is a bunch of cupcakes so you can just pull one off instead of someone having to cut and serve the cake. Very cute.
Maternity pictures update: We went to see the proofs from the photo shoot this week and WOW, she did such a great job. It's a shame that the prints/images are so darned expensive because there are so many good ones. We placed an order and the total cost made me nauseous. If it weren't for the fact that this is the last time I expect to ever look this way I would regret the cost. I think years down the road though, we're not going to worry about that aspect and just enjoy the pictures. I'm working with the photographer to get a few of them in web ready JPEG format so I can post them on here and hope to have them soon. Also, I'm hoping she can get the entire shoot up on her website temporarily so that famiy can view them and order prints if they want. Stay tuned.

Progress update: I think I actually had a 'real' contraction yesterday. I've had tons of Braxton Hicks ones for weeks now so as I stood in the kitchen and felt my belly tighten, I was not phased. I leaned over the back of the kitchen chair to pick something up off the table and found that if I tried to stand up, it really hurt across the bottom part of the belly. I bent back over a bit and it felt better. This lasted for about 20-30 seconds and then it was over. No repeats either so I don't think labor is emminent. Hubby did say the other day that he doesn't think I'll make it to the surgery date and I've had a few others say that too. I guess the fact that I'm carrying around more than most full-term babies right now, it's totally possible that my body will assume it's time to get him out soon. We'll see I guess. My mom isn't arriving until July 4th though, so it would throw off my carefully laid plans if he were to try and get here before she does. Besides, he'd be giving up such a cool birthday if he gets impatient. Do you think he'd stay put if I asked nicely?

35w0d - belly pic

Short and sweet this week. Here's the latest belly pic. Seems like the sudden growth spurt is calming down a bit and my weight gain is slowing too - thank goodness! LOL Seems like the belly hasn't changed that much in the pics at least. We were supposed to go look at the maternity pictures today, but Hubby had a schedule conflict so we'll go next Tuesday to see them. I can't wait! Hubby and I are going to have a date night tomorrow to go see Knocked Up - should be fun.

Edited to add:
Knocked Up was pretty good. The guys group was pretty crude sometimes and it felt over the top, but Hubby assured me that they are just being guys. Oh man, and I'm getting ready to have another one of those Y choromosome afflicted beings!! LOL I had a bit of a hard time buying into the idea that Katherine Heigl would fall for that guy, but overall it was good. It was a funny, yet realistic view on pregnancy and relationships. There was an arguement scene between the other two main characters and the entire time I was thinking, "We've had fights like this. I totally believe this dialogue." Hubby commented at dinner afterwards that he felt the same way about it. I did get quite a few looks coming out of the theater which was funny.

I'm officially at the point where I'm running out of clothes. My shower is tomorrow and I have no idea what I'm going to wear. I have one dress that fits, but it only fits because it's gathered above the belly and then sort of flares out/hangs down from there. Needless to say, with a belly this big, I'd look like a tent! I literally have one pair of pants that are not yoga pants that still fit. And I still have to fit 4 more weeks of growth somehow.

Oh yeah, it hit me earlier today that I only have 4 weeks to go. 4 short weeks from today (from this morning actually) this baby will be here. How did it all go by so quickly?

34w3d - NSWO is so cute!

NSWO had a friend over this morning for a playdate/babysitting thing. At one point, he came into the family room from the front living room to let me know what they were playing. "Mom, we're playing Mommy, Daddy, and Baby." He was the Daddy, his friend was the Mommy and NSWO's doll was the baby. Very cute. Then later, once his friend left, he declared that he and I should play and that I needed to be the Daddy. He said that he was going to be the Mommy and then got the doll and stuffed it into the front of his t-shirt. I about peed myself laughing. Then, he said he had to feed his baby. My friend was over and she asked him if he was going to feed it from a bottle or his breast? NSWO then said a bottle and that he needed to go "milk his baby".

Kids are so funny.

34w0d - belly pic and maternity photo shoot

I have an OB appointment later today, so I'll update the post with that info later. I'm into the every 2 week appointments now - time is flying! Tomorrow is our Happiest Baby on the Block class at the hospital, very excited. Should be a great refresher for Hubby and I both. Next Sunday is my shower. Things are really moving along now.

NWSO's last day of preschool was yesterday, we had a picnic at the local park. Great weather for it too. Sunny and warm, but not too hot. I don't think he gets what a big deal the last day of school is, maybe it will be more important next year.

This past Wednesday, we did a photo shoot at a nearby studio to commemorate this big ol' belly. It was really nice. She does a lot of baby and kid photos too. Since I'm not a shy person I didn't have issue with being exposed during the shoot and we did a lot of cool stuff. Some of it a la Demi Moore's Vanity Fair cover from years back. We also did some where I'm nude and backlit so it comes out as a silhouette. Can't wait to see how they turned out. Hubby and NSWO were there too in bare chests and jeans (looks silly for them to fully clothed when I'm baring so much skin - trust me, it looks good.) so we could get some fully family shots. Hubby looked fabulous, as always. NSWO surprised me by doing an amazing job. Whenever we had him in a shot, he turned it on like a pro- soooo cute. It was really good for my self-esteem to be able to feel beautiful and even a little sexy with this body that is just sooooo different. I'm really starting to feel very cumbersome in my own body and this was a great reminder of just how special this time is.

So, in honor of my new found appreciation of my pregnant form, I decided to take my belly pic this week in the bikini I wore in Hawaii while pregnant with NSWO years ago. Still can't figure out how/why all my stretchmarks don't show in pictures, so I'm just gonna go with it.

ETA: OB appointment update from today. I love my OB's scale so much more than mine. It said I've only gained 3lbs in the last 2 weeks which brings us to a total of 27lbs. BP is good too. As the OB was getting ready to listen for the heartbeat on the doppler, The Bean did a bit of tumbling and the doctor's eyes got big and he joked that we didn't need to listen for a hb, we could just watch his little show. We chatted about what to expect for the next month or so and what to do if I were to go into labor before the scheduled c/s (NOT going to happen btw). He agreed to let my friend videotape the surgery too. VERY excited about that. With NSWO, the window on the drape was too high for me to see any of the surgery. Not that I could have seen beyond the big old belly anyway. I can't wait to get to watch my c/s later on in all it's gory details. Yes, I know how weird I am.

32w0d - updated belly pic

Here's the latest belly pic in all it's glory. My isn't that thing getting awfully round?? LOL
A frontal shot. Nice beach ball, huh? NWSO commented yesterday about how I have hardly any belly button left. I think it might actually make it to an outie this time.
Had my 32 wk OB appointment today too. Gained 7lbs in the last month and boy do I feel every ounce of it - hanging in front of me! That brings the total weight gain to 24lbs. At least we know that a minimum of 6lbs of that is him. Makes it easier to stomach somehow. In yoga, I'm really noticing the difference in my weight and how it's so far forward. Maneuvering into and out of poses is getting to be a workout in and of itself. One gal in class commented yesterday that she can see how the weight of the belly is trying to pull me down as I get up into handstands. It IS getting to be more work to get up there, but so far they're still happening and once I'm up, they still feel great.

Hubby is home now from his last business trip. He won't be heading out on the road again until after The Bean gets here (well after I hope). It's nice to have him back but honestly, it's a bit weird. Sometimes I feel like there is a visitor at the house - I just got so used to it being NSWO and I by ourselves. We'll get back into the swing of things soon.

I found a mini co-sleeper for pretty cheap on craigslist.com (LOVE that site!! Just be sure to include the 's' in the address - trust me.) so we'll have that in lieu of a bassinet in our bedroom in the beginning and since it folds up so well, we can take it with us when we go to visit Grandad and Grandma Jan in Oregon after he gets here. Plus, I should be able to re-sell it after we're done. Sidenote - if you like craigslist, you'll LOVE listpic.com. It's the ads from craigslist, but only the ones with pics and it's displays the pics to browse thru. If you see something you like, you click on it to see the text with the ad. Brilliant!

31w5d - ultrasound pics

Today was my last 'big' ultrasound at the Maternal-Fetal Medicine Center. We checked on his kidneys, bladder, and his overall growth. Overall, the news is good. His left kidney is still measuring slighty above normal, but given his size they're not too worried about it. I expect that we'll be keeping an eye on his kidney after he's born and be on the alert for an increased risk of kidney infections or UTIs.

As I said above, he's measuring big. This is not new news. He's been consistently measuring ahead for weeks now. Four weeks ago at the OB office he was estimated to be 3lb 4oz (+/- 1lb). Today, almost 4 weeks later they estimate that this little chunky monkey is already 5lb 15oz (+/- 1lb). Yes, you read that right. I still have 7 weeks of growth to go and he's just under 6lbs - ALREADY! Heck, I was not that much over 6lbs at birth!! At this rate, he'll easily be over 9lbs by the time he comes out. I've said it before, but I'm so glad I don't have to push this kid out the hard way! LOL His head is measuring about 36 weeks.

And now, for the pics. This kid has had his hands in front of his face ever since the first time we did 3D pics at 21wks. Apparently, he likes them there. We actually saw him sucking on one of his hands today - so cute!

Here's what we could get of a face shot with that darn hand/arm in the way. Being a fetus is tough work!

Here, we get to see his chubby face. His right hand/arm is moved under his chin. That thing you see up by his forehead is his right foot. Yes, he's already doing yoga - very impressive!!Granted, I'm a little bit biased, but he's a very cute baby! And in so many ways he's already so different from his brother. I guess I'd better get used to it. I've been washing up the rest of NSWO's baby clothes and it just brings back so many memories of him in those cute outfits. I wonder how this one is going to look in them. Big.

31w2d - Happy Mother's Day!

My shower for NSWO was this weekend 4 years ago. My mom and my mother-in-law both came to town for the shower and it was just so lovely. Even my future son gave me a present that day. Of course, his wasn't quite as desired. I got my very first stretchmark on Mother's Day 2003. Apparently, he assumed I enjoyed my gift so he just kept on giving them to me. LOL So far, this one is content to share and hasn't added to the litany of lines on my belly. I sure hope it stays that way, but we'll see.

This year, my Mother's Day weekend isn't quite as festive. Hubby is out of town on yet another business trip. Poor guy, he's been gone so much lately and just wants to be at home. NWSO and I couldn't agree more. Hubby realized that with trips and working long/extra hours lately that he hasn't had a full weekend at home in months. This should be the last of it though, so at least he's able to finish up the big push of it before The Bean gets here.

Growing up, Mother's Day was a day to do something nice for Mom. That was about it. Now, on the other side of the coin, it has so much more meaning. I was explaining to NSWO yesterday about what today is and what it means. I told him thank you for making me a mom and how lucky I am that I get to be his mommy. Then the pregnancy hormones kicked in and I teared up while I explained that I am so amazingly lucky to get to be a mommy again to his little brother. He looked at me and told me not to cry, and I explained that sometimes people are soooo happy that it makes them cry.

Today, watching the Discovery Health channel's shows on multiples I realize just how lucky I am to be getting my ideal of 2 kids. I'm watching a show about a woman in the UK who did donor sperm IUI and got one girl. Then tried again nearly immediately and needed drugs to get more eggs and ended up with quads. Apparently, not content to let things rest, they went for it again and got quads - again! One of those quads didn't make it, so they have 9 kids under 3 years old. Allow me to repeat that so you can take in the significance of it - 9 children under the age of 3 years old. And they're saying that they'd like a few more, that 12 would be good. Huh??? Just watching the chaos of their house makes me exhausted. I know that I can do 2 kids, I am amazingly impressed by moms who have it in them to juggle more than that.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are juggling your broods today, whether that be 1 or 17 (like the famous Duggar family). For those of you anticipating your first child(ren) in the coming months, this day will never be the same again.

31w0d - back from the trip

I do not recommend flying cross-country at 30wks pg. The flights weren't too bad (save for NSWO refusing to nap and being a general pain in the ass on the flight to Chicago) and the support hose things kept the swelling away. The hotel bed, on the other hand, left MUCH to be desired. Our room had two double beds and Hubby and NSWO took one of them so I could flop around on the other one with out waking them. I had the air conditioning cranked, the ceiling fan going and slept with just the sheet over me. The boys were bundled up in PJs and buried under blankets and I was still too hot. Thank you hormones!! LOL

I totally forgot to do a belly shot for 30wks and Hubby has the camera with him at work today so I'll have to do one later tonight to post. I think the Bean has grown again.

I don't know if any of you who are currently pregnant are experiencing this, but my kid has decided that 9:30pm is his favorite time of day to spaz out in there. I swear the other night it was like he was trying to bust out of the sides and the bottom all at the same time. His pushing against my cervix was so strong that I was cringing in pain from it. Darn kid - chill out in there a bit, would ya??

So the Social Security Administration came out with their name rankings for 2006 today. You can see the full list here. For those family members who are itching to guess the name, I can tell you that the first name is in the top 100, but not the top 10. The middle name isn't even in the top 1000 names for the last 15 years. How's that for vague??? Have fun guessing.

I'll post soon about the wedding and I'll have some pics too.

29w3d - We have a future birthday!

I finally got a surgery date today from my OB's office. We are going to meet the Bean face to face on Saturday, July 7, 2007! Yep, we got our 7/7/07 birthday for him. So excited!! This makes it seem even more real too.

Guess that means we should get the nursery finished, huh? Right now there's all the stuff that was in the guest room and office dumped in there. The crib is set up, and the dresser is still there since NSWO was using them up until very recently. But, there's still a bunch of stuff in the attic that needs to be brought down and sorted out. The swing, the carseat, the bouncy (I think that may have broken, now that I think about it), the baby tub, etc. all need to come down from storage, not to mention the rest of the baby clothes so I can get them washed and put away. I think I may have unintentionally tossed out a bunch of extra baby-sized clothes hangers too, and since NSWO's clothes still fit on them, I really DO need them still. Hoping they're just in a box in the attic too. Just gotta get Hubby to be home long enough to get up there to get the stuff down. Hmmm, I guess this is the beginning of nesting, ya think?

Got my mom's flight booked so she's all set for coming out to stay with NSWO and to help us all out and enjoy baby time with the Bean. She'll be here about 3 weeks total, I hope she's not sick of us by the end. :wink:

My SIL (Hubby's little sister) is getting married this weekend and we're all headed out to enjoy the festivities - should be a blast! NSWO is the ring bearer and I think he's getting excited about it. Everyone send sunny-vibes to South Carolina for Sunday, ok?? I think SIL would really appreciate it.

28w4d - belly pic & lab results

Here's the latest belly pic. I swear this kid has had a significant growth spurt cause the belly seems/feels soooo much bigger. I pulled together a progression of all the belly pics I've done so far and I'd say there's a pretty big jump from 26 weeks to 28 weeks. What do you think?

Sorry it won't show up any larger, can't figure out how to get it to do that.

Got a call from the OB office yesterday with my lab results from my appointment last week. The glucose came back at 88! Not sure which is more shocking - that the lab reading was so different than my glucometer reading (which was 102) or that it was just so darn low. With NSWO, my 1 hr reading was 175. That's a huge difference. Wow. My TSH is lower than the 2nd trimester which is wonderful - means my thyroid is functioning better. Turns out I'm pretty anemic though. The nurse asked me if I had been feeling tired and I really haven't been all that tired. I do get short of breath easier, but I just figured it was The Bean putting pressure on my lungs. Guess not. Anyway, started iron supplements today, hoping for even more energy once the iron kicks in.

Still haven't heard back from my OB about scheduling a date for the c-section, hoping to hear later this week. My mom will be coming out to help out with NSWO and we'd like to get flight info figured out soon.

Sleeping is getting tougher and tougher lately. Not only is it tough to roll over and get comfy thru the night, but I'm just so darn hot all night long. Hubby is like a flipping heating pad in that bed and I spend 90% of the night with no covers on at all and the ceiling fan on medium. SOOOO glad we got central air conditioning installed for when it actually gets hot outside.

28w0d - Oh Happy Day!!!!

I had another OB appointment today with a growth ultrasound as my OB wanted his office to do one so they could see just how big the Bean is getting. I'm 28w0d today and his average measurement based on head circumference, abdominal circumference, femur length and maybe one more is 30w2d. He's now over 2 weeks ahead. His head circumference measured 32w5d! Eeek, it's a damn good thing I don't have to push that out! LOL My belly is measuring 31 weeks. His estimated weight is already 3lb 4oz. I still have 11 weeks to go of the biggest growth period. I met with the NP today as the OB was out of town, I need to call on Monday to try and get him to nail down a c/s date so my mom and I can get her flight figured out soon. Blood pressure was good, urine was clear, weight gain to date is 17lbs (3lb 4oz of that is just baby!!) so I'm very happy with all of that.

The best part of the appointment though was that I did the 1hr glucose test today. I brought my glucometer from home and checked with that right before they drew my blood. They want the number to be <140 to be passing. I am so happy to report that my number on my finger prick (which shouldn't be too far off from what the lab shows) was a mere 102. I can hardly believe it, but I'm not diabetic with this pregnancy!!!!!! Oh happy day!

27w4d - Feeling more cranky, and how are you?

First off, thanks for all the kind words about the handstand. I almost didn't post it because I don't want people to think I'm trying to toot my own horn. I was just so excited about being able to do it! Ava, you're right, it IS a mind over matter thing. Once you decide that your arms are strong enough (they probably are now) then you kick up one leg and make the 2nd one follow. If that 2nd leg wimps out and doesn't follow thru, it won't happen. I still can't hang my head to look toward the center of the room because that just gives me vertigo, but apparently, according to yogajournal.com looking at the floor is the more advanced version so yippee for me! LOL

Now, on to the meat of the posting. I'm sure all you other preggos out there are getting a bit tired of the question, "How are you feeling?" No one really wants to hear all the nitty-gritty and we know that, so we don't usually tell them the full details. Usually, my answer is something like - "I feel great! Much better than I remember feeling with my son's pregnancy by this point, so that's good." And usually, that's true. Unfortunately, the last week or so, I'm feeling something other than 'great'.

Physically, I'm still feeling quite good. Some beginnings of 3rd trimester (oh yeah, did I mention I'm in my 3rd trimester now? When in the hell did that happen???) discomforts that I know are to be expected. Mainly, I'm starting to feel my pubic bone separating. Sounds comfy, don't it? The front of the pubic bone is connected by ligaments and the relaxin that helps the hips to open up for birth can also affect the front of the pelvis. So far, it's mild and I sure hope it stays that way. It feels like I got kicked in the crotch. If it gets worse, climbing stairs is going to become very interesting. I'm hoping that my chiropractor will have some ideas on things to help keep things stable. Yoga does seem to still be helping so that's good. I did a lot of walking yesterday with a friend and that seemed to make it worse. Will know to take breaks and rest more next time.

Emotionally, I'm not doing quite as well. Part of it's hormones that just zap my patience. Part of it is that Hubby has been very busy with work lately and has also been out of town for work so I've been doing the parenting thing mostly alone for at least a couple of weeks now. Normally, this would be tiring, but not that big of a deal. Apparently, at this point in the pregnancy, however, my reserves of patience are just not that deep. Add to that, NSWO is being, well, a pretty typical 3 yr old and you've got a craaaaanky mommy. Hoping it gets better soon. Hubby gets home in a couple of days, so that should help.

Glucose test coming up on Friday - keep your fingers crossed for me, would ya?

26w5d - updated bump pic & yoga pic *edited

I'm just getting all picture happy on my blog lately aren't I?? Well, not much else going on really.

Here's the latest belly pic for 26 weeks.

I thought it might be tacky to take a picture of myself in yoga class to have something to remember this time by, but my teacher said he thought it was a great idea. So, I brought the camera in with me yesterday and got a few pics snapped while I was in handstand. 6mo+ pregnant and I can still do this. Crazy! Don't tell my chiropractor though, he was less keen on the idea of me doing it still, but I swear yesterday it felt better than ever. I was upside down for a lot longer than I usually can do and the energy boost it gives me is incredible!

Here's my Adho Mukha Vrksasana (Handstand).

Edited to add: Ok, so after posting this and noticing the differences between
the pic on yoga journal's site and my pic, I decided to focus in class today on
lengthening thru my sacrum up thru my heels. Much to my complete and utter shock my heels came off the wall and I was balancing on my hands. I was so surprised I literally said out loud, "Are my heels off the wall? Am I balancing??? Holy cow!" And that's about how long it took before I came down the rest of the way. Who knew that not only would I still be doing yoga at 6mo+ pregnant, but that I
could still do handstands and that (SHOCKER!) I would be able to make progress
with my practice? I certainly never would have expected that. By this point in
my pregnancy with NSWO, I was feeling so tired and heavy that I had pretty much
given up yoga. Now, I feel like a totally different woman. By the way, The Bean
liked the handstand today and was dancing around in there for quite some time
afterwards.

Hubby helped me get one of the storage boxes of baby clothes out of the attic to start going through them. Surprisingly, things are more stained than I recall and several items are yellowed from storage. I guess I'll try cleaning them again and maybe even sunning them to get them stain-free, but I might not have quite as much baby clothes for this one as I thought I would considering The Bean's due date is just 3 days before NSWO's due date. Oh well, I've gotten a few things already myself and I'm sure the grandmas are itching to do a little shopping. (Don't worry grandmas - if you don't want to shop, I still think I've got plenty.)

Picked up some yarn at the craft store and a pattern to do a 'simple cable knit blanket' for him too. I've been knitting a bit for a couple of years, but nothing beyond knit & purl, so now I'll try to add a cable stitch to my repertoire. Grandma Jan, I may be calling you for help!! That extra cable needle is a bit intimidating right now.

26w2d - Happy Easter

Things are going well, we had a lovely Easter this year with 2 different egg hunts for NSWO and absolutely gorgeous weather. Sorry to all of you stuck in a freaky spring freeze. It was in the 70's-low 80's here and the weather held just long enough to enjoy the hunts outside. By 3pm today, the clouds had returned, the temps dropped, and the rains began to fall yet again.

Our neighbors had us over for brunch and took some lovely photos of the entire family.

NSWO decided it would be sweet to give his brother a kiss, but unfortunately, with a dress on, it just looks - well, odd. It was the thought that counts.